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February 24th, 2005

02:24 pm: An answer and a shitload of problems.
I took matters into my own hands.

This is why I shouldn't be left alone.

I took a potion, a sort of reverse love potion which was supposed to fix "the remus problem", but it ... didn't work the way I THOUGHT it would work. Then again, maybe the crucio from Malfoy did something to it. *sigh*

To be honest, I don't KNOW what the fuck happened. There was yelling and then I hit the floor and ... oh fucking hell, does that hurt. I knew crucio hurt, that's why it's crucio, but I didn't know my eyes would almost burn out of my head and it'd feel like razorblades going through my veins. Fuck.

The next thing I remember, I was in Malfoy's shithole of a mansion drinking some other potion. I think it was supposed to be a cure for the crucio, but it made me go cold and then everything went - weird. The pain went away but everything went blurry and slowed down, the floor felt like it melted and all of a sudden Remus was there and kissed me, a lot. It's pretty fucking clear that it -wasn't- Remus. Three guesses who it was. I don't remember anything after that. I woke up on my couch, clothed, thank Merlin - not that it means anything for sure ...

James was there, and he seemed weird, sort of far away. The level of pissed-off when I told him what happened was right up there with The Prank (also known as stupidest moment of my life thus far. Closely followed by drinking that fucking potion in the FIRST place.). I didn't feel -anything- for James, I was just indifferent to him. It must be a short-lived, cheap potion because James and I are back to as close to normal as we can get.

The moral of the story is, kids, don't take a potion purchased from a complete scumbag. I've been drugged, crucioed, passed out in Malfoy's company, disturbed beyond SOBRIETY (half bottle of vodka, check), sick, and now I'm just back where I started.

*sigh* Fuck.

Current Mood: pissed offpissed off

February 21st, 2005

03:56 pm: Remus and I went to Bulgaria this weekend to get this new potion I found out about, Wolfsbane. It would help him during the transformations, and god, isn't that what we all wanted for so long? It'd be really amazing, he wouldn't be contagious, he wouldn't have to be locked in the whole time, he wouldn't need us so much ...

I actually convinced him to go on the bike with me and you'd think it would have been a fucking blast but - all that happened was that I snapped at him for no reason and must have sounded like a complete psycho. Fuck, -I- think I sounded crazy. I don't even know why, it just came out of nowhere, we went upside down on the bike for a bit, fantastic fun and then I just ... snapped.

We got the potion, but barely talked all the way back, and haven't since we got here. I've been smoking, and drank (Too much) last night. I'm blasting the Sex Pistols and throwing all the crap in my flat out the window as a sort of brutal spring cleaning.

I have to get OVER this.

Current Mood: angryangry

February 15th, 2005

12:32 pm: I ran into my idiot brother former brother.

I was just out in Hogsmede, minding my own business (my annual valentine's day tradition of breaking up as many dates as possible - 23 this year. Not bad.) when he just APPEARS and starts being an ass.

The usual nit picking bullshit I was used to at home. He berates me for leaving and then starts bitching about how tough he has it at home. I told him, "well how about you LEAVE?" He just whines that he can't. THEN he tries to make me feel all guilty and shit by showing me his cut up back. Lucius Malfoy has been "hired" to "keep him in line".

News flash: Kick his ASS. Reg is big enough to do that now! If -I- had to tough it out by myself, then HE should be able to. Bloody mama's boy. *sigh*

I did sort of feel bad for him, though. I look at him and still see Reg the way he was. Small enough for me to carry around in a huge suitcase. He says that I broke my promise to him that I'd always be there and left him alone and that's why he's being beat up.

What was I supposed to DO? I HAD to leave, I just couldn't fucking TAKE them anymore and I still CAN'T!!!

Anyway. Fuck that. Fuck it. I gave him my address in case he ever needed a place to crash and he showed up five minutes later to yell at me some more.

The last fucking thing I need is for one of THEM to start eating up my life again.


Remus is gone, off on some family holiday blah, blah, blah. I'm watching his place for him, which is easy because it's right across the hall. I got the door unlocked, which is good because my sink stopped working. I'll just get rid of the dishes before he gets back. It ... IS cleaner there. Sort of nice in a way. Looking around when he's away isn't quite as fun as doing it when he's SPAZZING out at me and flailing his hands, "Sirius! That's not yours. If you pick that up it'll never be seen again. Don't ask me why I have it. I'm reading. Go away. I can see you. Sirius ... Stop sulking, or if you must, sulk at your place. I can -still- see you. Don't touch th-"

I sort of miss it.

BUT ... I can ... investigate un-remus'd!!! It's not SNOOPING, it's more like ... reconaissance.

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